I am Not Sorry

I am human (+ an intrepid explorer of intergalactic hyperspace)

No longer do I say those three little words

No, not ‘I love you’,

I still say those

I no longer say, ‘I am sorry’, or use its abbreviation

I’m into affirmations,

and this is not one I chose to keep repeating

No, my subconscious stores it,

and my body doesn’t like it, it shrinks in their presence

I am sorry (subject + verb ‘to be’ + adjective)

Think about it, swop ‘sorry’ for, say… ‘pitiful’

I am not sorry, and I am not pitiful,

even if I mess up somehow, I remain

undivided

I am an artist, I am a seeker,

a quantum explorer of intergalactic hyperspace

I am a dancer, a poet, the fool and a lover

I am human, perfectly flawed and flora,

and I reserve this human right

What are the roots of this well worn phrase?

And, truly, in whose interest?

You didn’t even do anything,

you don’t need to say it,

there are no victims here, no tyrants,

nobody here needs to be rescued

Here’s where it became so ingrained, so automatic,

between the walls of the intuitions,

small children, learning the language of human,

of social etiquette and order,

Come now, let us ditch shame, blame and guilt

refrain from constructing unnatural division,

that risks becoming all out war

Remember and embrace instead

respect for difference, whilst nurturing oneness

Remember understanding, awareness and compassion,

down with making examples of, and morally judging, our children -

inner and outer,

instead let’s roll in the big bellied Buddhas!

Yes, the body loves that big bellied business,

spaciousness, breath and love

No, I am not sorry, I was never sorry,

but to let you know I hear, and that I care

if I do some action, or use words that impact you adversely

Then, whilst I cannot be over responsible for the emotions

of another, or how they see, or hear,

I listen, stay present, and ‘I’ could ‘apologise’ (subject + verb), but more likely I’ll

offer ‘My apologies’ (possessive pronoun + noun),

like a yarn bound bundle, a gift from my heart to yours

which you are free to accept or not,

either way, I remain undivided

Maybe sometimes I’ll even ditch any apology,

and instead simply offer my presence and acknowledgment

I see you

I hear you

I feel you

Accepting my human fallibility, I learn more about us,

whilst standing whole in integrity,

I commit to do my part, do my best, to soften the edge of

what is me and what is you

With you, I nurture this sacred ground,

where grasses and wild flowers grow tall

May it be the field Rumi spoke of,

beyond right and wrong,

yes I’ll meet you there,

and together

we’ll run free

(Oh, and in my humble opinion,

you are not sorry either

I love you!)

---

In the past, I spent many years working with children in holistic settings, where we would never request the children say they were sorry. Instead if something happened between them, the adults would meditate if needed, supporting them to listen to one another so they could understand what happened for themselves and for the other child or children. We didn’t seek to manipulate, shame, blame or judge the children, but instead did what we could to model a different way to communicate, nurturing relationship beyond fear of conflict. Presenting an opportunity for deeper relationship and mutual understanding, we’d support the children to come up with their own solutions together if they felt something needed to be remedied in the relationship. This reflected back to the children their own agency, their power to affect positive change, and their own ability to navigate the social world from their inner most core and wisdom. Working with children, I became more aware of how I used language and whether it was open and free or whether it contracted the field.

On my travels in recent years, I picked up a book titled ‘The Secrets of Aboriginal Healing’, it is a memoir by Gary Holz. In the book, one of the wisdom teachings was about the subconscious mind and the guidance was given to not use the words ‘I’m sorry’ for the reason I articulate in the poem. Phrases like ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I’ll try’ are rooted in the energy of lack, whilst phrases like ‘I apologise’ or ‘I’ll do my best’ are more empowered and rooted in positive energy. The phrases have a particular vibration and a corresponding energetic impact upon the body.

The aboriginal guidance stated in the book very much affirms my own energetic intuition. Whilst I never ask children to say it, as an adult I still said it myself in other contexts, sometimes on auto pilot. After reading this book, I set my intention to stop saying it altogether and its effect felt profound on many levels. These days there is a lot of great work being done around Non Violent Communication and ways of communicating that are focussed on cultivating true empathy, awareness and compassion, and on listening to one another’s need and feelings. In school settings the old rote, “say you’re sorry” can still get rolled out, and everyone goes through the motions without deeper understanding being reached.

I honour the Hawaiian Ho’oponopono prayer of reconciliation and forgiveness, it is very powerful and beautiful, but when I use it, I no longer use don’t use what is given as the English translation (I’m love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you) as I feel it’s a misinterpretation of the true essence of the original prayer. I understand the sentiment is the ability to hold it for the collective rather than necessarily just as an individual, but I find the words don’t quite sit with me energetically.

My intention in sharing this poem is to share my own perspective and journey, it is definitely not in judgement of anyone using the phrase. I recognise conscious intent is also a factor, and that we are awakening to the ways we have been conditioned into separation and the undoing is a process. The poem’s bold, tongue in cheek style is the expression of my fiery inner child who was also was made to say sorry for some innocent explorations… I do recall for example, that I was sent to the headmistress in primary school for jumping in a puddle. How bizarre…I never did understand that one! Anyway I’m sure I was far more mischievous than this….

Love & respect, Artemis

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ho’oponopono

Thank you again for being here. There are other ways you can support my work if you choose:

• Buy me a Coffee:

  https://www.buymeacoffee.com/artemisrosearcher

• Choose to pay for a subscription to support my writing and art, there are no extra privileges as content free for all 😊

• Share my posts with others you feel they would resonate with.

• Like/ comment if you feel moved. I appreciate hearing how my words or songs land with you if you’re open to sharing.

Love & gratitude, Artemis